There is an infinite amount of numbers between 0 and 1, even more so between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
3 month and 24 days let’s get crackin’
It’s been a year since I started my new life in Los Angeles. What a year. I faced some challenges that I didn’t really expect. Trying to make my apartment feel like home. Adjusting to a city I never anticipated living in. Leaving behind friends that I wish I could see on a weekly basis. Figuring out what I want to do with my career. Accepting how being close to my family means the world to me. Creating a new life with new friends and new routines. Finally, finding comfort in my own skin and appreciating all that I truly have.
I can’t whole-heartedly admit that I overcame all the challenges. I can’t find confidence in whether this life of mine is the best I could I have done. I’m always growing, evolving, changing my mind during every minute of everyday. I don’t think I would ever be so sure of my life, of my decisions, of my outcomes. Is that normal? Is it completely sane that I doubt every choice I make?
I never knew that I could find a different life in a different city, again. I did it once when I moved to New York, but I just got lucky. Yet here I am again, having to start all over. I didn’t know that I somehow could return back to old friends and feel like nothing has changed, despite the fact that we are older, have jobs, and complain about finances. I’m lucky. I feel like I’m the luckiest person I know. Well I could be flat out cocky right now, but I obviously believe it. I found a great job. I have co-workers that make the effort to show me different parts of L.A. I have a good place to live. I have friends and family not too far from me. I have things that I actually own. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I have plenty of complaints. But it’s honestly time for me to stop doubting decisions I made a decade ago. I need to brag about the here and now. This moment. The past year. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve done horrible things. I’ve considered running multiple times. But here I still stand. Upright, tall and flawed.
I don’t know how much longer I’ll be in L.A. I don’t know how much longer I will have my job. I have no idea where I will be in 5 years. I have no idea what I even want in 3 years. I’ve been given so many opportunities, so many outlets, so many words of encouragement. Then it struck me. Nothing really happens until I make it happen. If I choose not to change anything, nothing would really change. So, I’ve been asking myself lately if I want things to change. Can I stand another year of what I have? Will I be happy with another year of what I have? I guess it’s about time I find out….
Please don’t see just a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies
Please see me reaching out for someone I can’t see
Take my hand let’s see where we wake up tomorrow
Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand